11.25.2005

if the nba were smart...

last year i submitted my resume to the national basketball association for a marketing assistant position via their website www.nba.com. of the thousands of resumes they received, mine was not one that they were too impressed by because i never received a phone call from them. it would have been weird moving to new york city, but a marketing job w/ the nba would have been awesome. i honestly thought they needed me...after last year's debacle with the pacers/pistons fight, all the bad publicity drawn in from the kobe bryant case, and complaints from the fans about players portraying a "thug" image to the youngsters watching at home. here is one idea that they missed out on:

at the start of the 2005-2006 season, the nba adopted it's new dress code. The full list of "do's and don'ts" are on the nba website if you care to read them. many players sounded off about this topic even though their OWN players union agreed to it. if the nba were smart, a) they would have hired me in the first place and b) they would ask mark madsen for their help.

why mark madsen you ask? reverse psychology.

i know the nba is not smart enough for regular ol' psychology, so this may be hard to understand for them. but here's my idea: david stern secretly calls mark madsen at home (since i doubt madsen has a cell phone). he asks him to fake an injury for a week or so, in exchange for some cash, a short shopping spree at the mall, and some popsicles. madsen sits out the next couple games, but according to the agreement he reached w/ stern, he has to sit on the bench in his own "hip hop gear." I'm talking a throwback mark eaton jersey, sagging jeans, headphones, white t-shirt draped over his shoulder, timberlands, do-rag with sideways hat (obviously color coordinated to match the eaton jersey), and most importantly the iced out double M chain hanging from his neck. and it wouldn't hurt if he slapped courtside reporter michele tafoya on the ass as she walked by. could you imagine the outrage shown by other players? "mark madsen can't wear that shit!" they would yell.

the next step to this master plan is the effect it has on the rest of the league. who would want to break the dress code now? you'd be on the same list as mark madsen. even worse--mark madsen (in theory) spent more money than you on his outfit. suddenly wearing a button up shirt and sportscoat doesn't sound so bad, does it? looking professional sounds a lot better than looking like the dope that just came from kevin federline's closet.

reverse psychology fools.

it works on everyone, including myself. for example, i am not a smoker. never have, never will. this is a good thing and you probably assume it is because of health concerns or the high cost of cigarettes. no, i've got an even better reason why i don't smoke: carson daly. yes that's right carson daly smokes cigarettes and i do not want to associate myself with him. you cannot find enough cool smokers in the world to counter that, i'm sorry. everyone should follow this rule of thumb: if carson daly does it, i want no part of it.

and if mark madsen wants to wear throwback jerseys, well maybe it's time to find a new trend.

unfortunately the nba is not smart enough to realize what they are missing out on. this is just one of many genius ideas they bypassed when i didn't receive that phone call last year. oh well--it's their loss. maybe i'll see if the folks at slamball are hiring...

3 comments:

big sandwich said...

What the fuck is up with that picture of Mark Madsen. Is he levitating? I heard that he is a master in the lost art of "winning an NBA championship by doing nothing".

hazelwood's most wanted said...

i'm not sure if you clicked on the picture or not, but yes, that does say www.markmadsen.com. is it possible that there are too many websites out there now? and we're about to add one more!

also, i like how the name of the photo is called "THE dance"

jeremy king said...

carson daly has been with jennifer love hewitt and tara reid so theirs two places you would go that would associate you with carson daly so buddy start puffing