1.16.2006

The Big Sandwich and his bold predictions for 2006

Michael Jordan comes out of retirement.....AGAIN!

At the ripe ol' age of 43, MJ will join the Los Angeles Lakers in mid-season. Phil Jackson, fearing that Kobe will not be able to carry the Lakers to the playoffs, calls Jordan while his "airness" is in the parking lot of a Walgreens betting a couple of teenagers that they can't steal his box of Icy Hot from him. Jackson explains to MJ that Jeanie Buss will not sleep with him unless he wins his 10th championship and quote "gets off Red Auerbach's dick". Jordan and the Lakers sneak into the playoffs and get swept in the first round. MJ takes his half-season of salary and loses it in 5 minutes at the crap tables in Atlantic City. Phil Jackson summons all of his zen-masterfullness and coaches Jeanie Buss to give him a BJ.


Barry Bonds is shot to death by Reggie Jackson

Barry Lamar Bonds, sitting on 754 career homeruns, steps up to the plate on a chilly September night at SBC Park. The Giants are fighting for the NL West pennant with a slim half game lead on the Padres, whom they happen to be playing. Trevor Hoffman stares in at Bonds and mutters something to himself, later on umpire Dana Demuth compared the closers rumblings to the voice of satan. Suddenly, Reggie Jackson appears out of the visitors dugout wearing his old Angels uniform and brandishing a gun. The players in the Giants dugout watch everything unfold but can do nothing about it because they are all OLD and cannot move quickly. Mr. October points the gun at Bonds, shoots him in his "armorless" left arm, laughs at the irony then shoots him in the face.


Bode Miller wins the bronze medal in Torino

Bad boy of skiing Bode Miller stuns the world as he stumbles to the podium to receive his bronze medal for skiing in the mens downhill competion. He was seen in the early hours of the morning staggering out of an Italian winery yelling obscenities and trying to force himself on NBC commentator Verne Lundquist. When asked if he was drunk during his medal winning run Miller exclaimed, "I pissed myself halfway down the slope and now it's frozen to my leg!"




Jason York will pick Kansas to go to the Final Four

This is not so much a "bold" prediction, as it is more of a "truth" and something you can count on like death and taxes.

3 comments:

hazelwood's most wanted said...

that is a great picture of york, hilarious every time i see it.

and i wonder if that pic of barry bonds is a just photoshop of derek jeter w/ a giants uniform on? i didn't think it was humanly possible for anyone else to make that face besides jeter. "ahhhhh, eeeeeehh, ahhhh..."

sir said...

that is, without a doubt, the greatest picture of York ever taken. when he goes into the Accounting Hall of Fame (ha!), i want that to be the picture on his plaque.

Dallas J. Hawk said...

You think that is the greatest picture of me ever that is a bold statement. I would like to make a bold prediction as well, Justin will once again own a shitty fantasy baseball team! Peace!